Today was a real stinker. I got to the gym a lot later than usual and some dude farted on me when I was slothing it up on the treadmill. But to start the day, I was at the library with my little one so she could borrow some Diary of a Wimpy Kid books and she thought it was a great idea to make a ton of noise in her ugly-ass Crocs. I hate those shoes with a passion, but she likes them, so Crocs it is.
After that it was gym time and I popped over to get some miles in on the treadmill. That’s when my girlfriend walked in too. She was looking for me but couldn’t find me. She was looking at the other treadmills, not the one with the chronic farter. She looked like a lost tourist and I felt like Waldo, but too bad I wasn’t wearing Waldo’s outfit. She might like that. We snuck a hug in at the gym and she went to zumba.
Two minutes later it started to stink. I timed it. It wasn’t her and it was a new stench, one I haven’t smelled yet. It was either the dude next to me running at full speed or the white guy with an Afro to my left. When I looked that direction, I noticed he was gone. He went to do zumba too, so that was funny. BUT – it means if white afro guy farted, then he cropdusted me since he walked away when he did it. If it was the other guy, then he must’ve ate Taco Bell right before the gym and it probably squeaked out a little bit with each running step he took. You know, the farts that sound like a helicopter taking off every time you take another step. He was going fast, so this one blew up.
That leads me to ShopRite where I need to make up for this abomination of odor. I picked up steak, green peppers, onion, and cilantro that I forgot to use. I cooked up some garlic butter steak bites, mixed in green peppers and onions, and tossed it over rice with Badia sriracha with garlic sauce. Listen, it burned on the way in, and it’s gonna burn on the way out too. Just remember that when you eat the spicy foods.
Then girlfriend sneaks over to eat some and that made the day so much better. Just because you get farted on at the gym, that’s OK. If that’s the worst part of your day, then you’ve got it good. It’s all about perspective. No matter who rips ass at the gym, you can still cook a nice steak and have a hot hugging girlfriend to make up for it.