UPDATE: it actually does work and I’m just an idiot. I did it wrong. DUH!!!!!!!!! Below is the original story I wrote before I realized I screwed the whole thing up because I misunderstood the assignment. Now I feel like a complete dumbass.
Here’s how the food looked. My pictures suck as much as my reading comprehension or listening skills when it comes to making rice. I got slapped for this one in a Greek restaurant by the way. She whacked me good on the arm when we ordered those gyros. Pretty funny if ya ask me.
Dating a Filipino girl means you need to learn how to make rice using the Jo Koy method, and if you can’t do it, then you’re probably dumb or you can’t read the directions on the rice cooker. Needless to say, I’m both dumb and I can’t read. What’s the Jo Koy method, well you can look that up yourself but let me just tell you this – you gotta stick your finger in it and that’s all I’m saying.
Here’s what happened. I tried making rice on the stove and f*cked that up big time. Totally worthless, almost threw the pot in the trash, and my daughter said the rice sucked. She loves rice, so she’s the judge before the judge. The main judge is little miss Filipino herself and if she doesn’t like the rice I make, then she’ll probably disown me like a step-child.
I bought a rice cooker after messing up the rice on the stove. I messed that up too. The directions said to do one thing, but then I remembered what Jo Koy said and I used his rice cooking recipe in the rice cooker and that was a big resounding NO. The rice cooker basically said,”screw you buddy, this rice is no good” and it was dry as a brick. I added more water until the rice was edible enough that even a prison would serve it, maybe, and finally gave it a try.
Little buddy the child-rice monster said it was “fine” and I put Key Lime Jerk seasoning on it and threw some shrimp on top. The shrimp were made with chopped garlic, olive oil, and butter with Adobo seasoning, it’s like the poor man’s shrimp scampi. I think the flavor from the rice and dreaded peas masked the flavor and texture of the rice. We were both full, so who cares, right?
We saw Jo Koy live in Atlantic City and he’s freaking hysterical. Such a great comedy show and wonderful live performance. Those beers were a complete ripoff though. It was like $16 for a regular beer, but didn’t stop me from having several. We were in town for a good night and it was a great night.
Up next is making rice for my Filipino girlfriend and she’s either kicking me out the door or jumping all over me. You’ll know one way or another what happens next. Stay tuned.
WATCH THE PERFECT RICE METHOD BY JO KOY
Photo: screenshot from YouTube video.